91. Ghoulies 2 (1987)

Reading through the comments on IMDB my favourite quote was “twice as good as the first one. 2 out of 10.” Unfortunately I haven’t seen the original, but it doesn’t seem to matter. It was also amusing to watch the trailers on this old ex-rental, and seeing one for another movie lower down the bottom 100 – The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Looking forward to that one. Speaking of trailers, I must have seen the one for Ghoulies 2 dozens of times from other 80s straight to video films. So it was fun to finally see it.

Ghoulies 2 seems to follow on directly from the first film as a priest runs around a deserted gas station with a small bag containing some kind of animal. As with all abandoned gas stations in America there is a big steel drum of liquid marked ‘extremely toxic’ and ‘solvent’, frothing up at the top with a light mist. In goes the bag and with the help of a Ghoulie, so does the priest. What is going on? I’ve no idea. There was a Ghoulie in the bag, which survives the toxic stuff - plus a few more loitering out back.



The Ghoulies look rather dated rubbery creatures - green and slimy, each about a foot tall. It would be fair to say there are influences from the characterisations of the Gremlins and Critters. The Ghoulies are also mischievous, sadistic, and incomprehensible. Some have distinctive features - one can even fly. Although the original Ghoulies film is said to have been the first of these ‘little monster’ films to go into production, with special effects man Stan ‘Predator Aliens Terminator’ Winston briefly attached. But that’s a different story. This sequel certainly looks to be drawing on the more successful aspects of its contemporaries.

Back to the story… The central human characters are three men running a spook house called Satan’s Den, as part of a travelling carnival. The carnival is in financial trouble and it’s owners, an accountancy firm, are checking the figures and axing the least profitable acts. When the Satan’s Den truck stops for fuel, it happens to be aforementioned gas station. The Ghoulies are attracted to the pictures on the side of the truck of freaky looking monsters, much like themselves, and stow away. I’ll leave you to figure out the rest out.



Two actors stand out more than most. Firstly Royal Dano, as Ned the drunken spook house owner. He’s a good character actor and suits this kind of hammy material with a well judged slightly over-the-top performance. The other is Phil Fondacaro as spook house maintenance man Sir Nigel Pennyweight. Once again consolidating the idea that dwarfs/little people can only be actors or work in carnivals and circuses. Here they do both by having him quote lots of random Shakespeare in an attempt to add a little depth and quirkiness. Surprisingly he succeeds in raising the weak material just above boring; a greater achievement than it sounds, and something the rest of the cast failed to do.

The real stars of the show are still the Ghoulies though, putting the special effects to the fore. Through a combination of animatronics, puppetry, and a little stop motion the Ghoulies are presented effectively enough to suspend your disbelief. Naturally there are a number of deaths and a climatic finale including some great man-in-a-suit moments. Whilst nothing is especially spectacular, and the gore is toned down somewhat to obtain a PG-13 rating, it all fits together nicely.



Now it’s time to scalp producer/director Albert Band, who took a bad script and did nothing with it. Things start quickly enough and the story got my attention, but the camerawork is drab and uninspiring, with the pacing in the middle section slow enough for some people to turn off. Considering this is the man who directed the wonderfully titled ‘Dracula’s Dog’, I think his biggest gift to cinema was probably that of his son, Charles Band. A notorious B-movie maker, from the 80s up to the present day, who gets an executive producer credit here.

I won’t discuss it in too much detail, but the ending is absolutely bizarre. Coming totally out of left field. It’s as if it was the ending to a different film and somehow the script pages got mixed up. I can only guess that it was written as a hasty tongue in cheek idea. Plus there’s another hilarious directorial boo-boo. When all hell breaks loose at the carnival Albert Band directs his many extras to run around screaming in every conceivable direction for 15 minutes, without ever leaving the carnival grounds! I say chop up all these moronic fairground goers, and then get to work on the film crew.



I’ve seen dozens of these late 80s cheesy, not very scary, killer monster fests. It’s familiar territory and Ghoulies 2 doesn’t really stand out from the crowd. All the staples are there; unusual deaths, dancing girls, some cheap shots at yuppies. With the emphasis more on humour and action than suspense or gore, it ends up being stupider than other films of the era, but still passable for a few cheap laughs. However, seeing as most of the jokes fall flat or are too predictable, you’ll be more likely laughing at it, not with it. Chuck in the obligatory metal song from W.A.S.P. and were about done. What a load of pants.

Series:
Ghoulies (1985)
Ghoulies II (1987)
Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College (1990)
Ghoulies IV (1994)

As of 8th May 2007 Ghoulies 2 scored a total of 2.5 out of 10, from 807 votes. Putting it at number 91 on the IMDB bottom 100. All the other Ghoulies films are perilously close to entering the bottom 100. A possible contender for worst received series of films ever?



So far:
Best film – Ator the Invincible (1984)
Worst film – The King and I (1999)