Also known as Uchu Kaisoku-sen. Time for another gem, made two years after the remarkable Prince of Space (number 88 in my little adventure), and by the same production company (Toei). It even retains the same writer Shin Morita, but they were the only scripts he ever had produced. The same fate would unsurprisingly befall Invasion's director Koji Ota; this being his only outing as a director. Being from the same stable you can expect lots of the same, but different in enough ways to unfortunately make it less fun. The story is in essence very similar; why mess with such a winning formula? Things begin abruptly when a spaceship lands in a field in Japan, and out come some aliens wearing radiation suits, and bulbous helmets with spinning bits on top. On cue our random superhero of the hour appears and starts to defend the planet to an onlooking crowd of boys in short shorts. Our hero, played by a young Sonny Chiba (The Streetfighter, Kill Bill), uses some crude martial arts to defeat the utterly pathetic (I assume) Neptune Men. For an invasion force they aren't particularly fearsome; wandering aimlessly, very slowly, with their arms raised as if trying to traverse a treacherous bouncy castle. They even fall over without being touched.
Our hero in terms of character is quite the disappointment, as he doesn't really have one. I would have billed him in the credit list as, 'Badly dressed man with a spaceship'. He never introduces himself, instead telling the short shorts, “You boys pick one [a name]. That suits me fine.” I know of only one other profession where they claim their name is 'whatever you want it to be'. What secrets does Space Chief (as the short shorts named him) hide? My other problem with Space Chief is that he's hardly in the movie, and says very little when he does arrive. Instead we are left watching the blunderings of the government pitted in a technological struggle against the Neptune Men. Sounds more exciting than it is mind.
A large part of the plot is built on what is politely referred to as 'technobabble'. In other words, making stuff up that sounds like intelligent science. The Neptune Men use their alien gizmos to cause random phenomenons, the most impressive being to turn time backwards. If they can do that they should have won this movie by yesterday's matinee, and saved us sitting through this tripe. Special scientists try to explain the phenomena and create a shield, although none of it is explained with a shred of detail. When someone asks how a particular phenomena is possible, characters can blurt out random things that make no sense. The most bizarre of these is one technicians dramatic realization that something on his computer screen is “Roji Panty Complex”. What the heck is “Roji Panty Complex”? They don't even attempt to relate it to reality, just cut to the next scene. As the plot continues to unfold it waivers between mundane and absolute nonsense, with brief intersections of boys in short shorts – one of which sounds like he's 30 thanks to the poor dubbing. On reflection much of the first half hour had it's moments of amusement. Unfortunately as we enter the final reel the plot has long decayed into a seemingly endless shoot 'em up between Space Chief, the government, and the Neptune Men. There is little dialogue to add any excitement to the drawn out battle sequences. Not that they haven't made an effort with some of the effects. They even used real Word War II stock footage to show Japan being blown up, which leads to an unusual cameo by Hitler no less. Nevertheless the pacing is terrible and I couldn't care less what happened to anybody. At all.
If the combined forces of Sonny Chiba, Hitler and a Robbie the Robot wind up toy, can't save a film, then there's little hope left. Too many short shorts I say.
[2.4/10 | 954 votes | stats from 4th Jan 2008]
So far:
Most Fun: #79 Howling II: Stirba - Werewolf Bitch (1984)
Most Vomit Inducing - #87 The Neverending Story III (1994)
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