#73 Forest Warrior (1996)

This sure ain’t Missing in Action 3. There’s something a little disturbing about seeing Chuck Norris so clean, with that neatly combed beard. It’s not right – he should be crawling through mud, whilst foreign people run around shooting automatic weapons in the air. Coincidentally MIA3 was Aaron Norris’ first break as a director, leading to a series of other films directing his brother Chuck. I would hope Forest Warrior is his worst, but I’m biased because of a slight aversion to these caricature styled family films.

It opens with a campfire rendition of the tale of McKenna (Chuck Norris), an American Indian who was killed whilst trying to save his wife from an illness. Then his spirit was brought back by the power of the mountain, and he now roams as a shape-shifting guardian with the power of the bear, wolf and eagle. In other words if you’re naughty near the mountain forest, Chuck Norris will appear from thin air, dressed like Grizzly Adams’ geeky cousin gone native, and kick your butt. Oh, and he can see into your soul too. Cue the Thorne logging company.
Travis Thorne (Terry Kiser) is aggressively seeking logging rights to the mountain forest. His workers even terrorize the local kids from the campfire, as they spend time at a giant tree-house in the forest. It’s a classic stand off between small town rural America and big business, and naturally the kids play an integral part. Giving them a chance to go Rambo in the woods, like those in the audience would surely want to. There is a sub plot about a young girl and her father turned alcoholic over the loss of his wife, but it’s just the usual emotional obstacle in need of enlightenment.

There was a reminiscent feel of films like Tuck Everlasting, and other low grade Disney movies. It’s shot quite blandly, a little like watching an episode of Home Improvement. Of course, it’s not meant to be high art, simply a wholesome family film. Odd then that it’s being made by people with a background in R rated action films. That may be the reason why they overcompensate, as this is not much of a family film. The humour is geared more towards the under tens only, and everything is laid on very thick which will leave most adults bored, and older children feeling embarrassed. Although the song and dance sequence with loggers playing chainsaw air guitar should keep everyone laughing, even if for the wrong reasons.
Shockingly, the child actors aren’t annoying. Their not even that badly dressed, considering it’s the early nineties. Or maybe Chuck Norris’ theme restaurant outfit is keeping things in perspective. Regardless, the young actors do just fine for the target audience. They also get a few decent supporting actors, either the producers pulling in favours or they’re doing it for the kids. Roscoe Lee Brown (Topaz, The Liberation of LB Jones) is the wizened old friendly bachelor that every small town needs. It’s a subdued role and he maintains his dignity. Elya Baskin pops up amongst some of the more comedic loggers – he’s the guy that Hollywood loves to call whenever they have a Russian part that needs filling - most recently in the Spiderman movies. You even get a glimpse of William Sanderson (Bladerunner).

Sadly it’s the two leads that I liked least. Norris mostly looks bored, and his action scenes aren’t exactly wow factor. Do I dare speculate as to whether poor Chuck is getting a little past it all? The lacklustre editing does nothing to pep it up either. Chuck also gets some of the cheesiest lines, and it really doesn’t suit him. Then there’s Terry Kiser, who hams it up as he was probably instructed to, making a cartoony villain. Later he gets to go ‘Captain Harris’ on us, as he’s assaulted by the forces of good. Speaking of which, there’s a slight vigilante message of protectionism under the surface that may be a little less wholesome under scrutiny. Perhaps this is a favourite in the Palin household.
On the whole it’s a pretty sappy product of it’s time (post Home Alone). Not the most awful thing I’ve ever seen, but without Chuck Norris on the cover it would lose a lot of it’s kitsch value. I’m not sure what the inspiration behind making this was. It’s been cobbled together through connections, and lacks the detached oversight to be much else than a schmaltzy vanity project. The writer is also from the Norris stable, having only done screenplays for his films and TV. You’ll also see a Rebecca Norris pop up amongst the producers. Whatever the rhyme or reason only the most hardened of Chuck Norris or schmaltz fans should take a look at this.

[2.2/10 | 731 votes | stats from 24th November 2008]

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High Kicking: #79 Howling II: Stirba - Werewolf Bitch (1984)
Drooling Wreck: #87 The Neverending Story III (1994)