#75 The Last Sign (2005)

So, Andie MacDowell pays the bills. I wish. Watching Andie MacDowell set up a direct debit would generate greater levels of excitement and tension. Sadly, in reality, MacDowell plays the part of recently widowed Kathy. She finds herself better off without her alcoholic and abusive husband, but has begun receiving anonymous phone calls and experiencing disturbing coincidences and flashbacks. It is affecting her social life and could result in a total breakdown. If only it were that interesting.

First up, I was getting mixed messages about how Kathy felt. There was no sense of freedom from her husband’s accidental death, and little background to go on. It’s never a good sign that you need to refer to the back of the DVD case for a plot point. The slow moving plot feels deliberately vague in an attempt to make something from nothing. Eventually we get round to a few supernatural happenings that create some genuine mystery, but it’s all a bit short lived and predictable. The other plotline is that of the rich, intelligent, hunky, neighbour with enough free time to give fatherly advice to Kathy’s teenage son, and with a manly voice suitable for sports commercials. What luck, like part exchanging your clapped out nasty husband for a shiny new one from Harrods.

As far as I can gather the film’s message is essentially get on with your life. Staying on message I would first advise you to avoid this film. I’ve seen greater wisdom from a fortune cookie. They cost less and taste better too. I found The Last Sign to be a wholly unrewarding experience.

Andie MacDowell seems to have found the trough from her Four Weddings peak in the early 90s. Tim Roth (best known from Pulp Fiction) plays the dead husband, in a role that consists entirely of flashbacks. Maybe this should have been called ‘where early nineties actors go to die’. Then Margot Kidder (the original filmic Lois Lane) turns up although you’d hardly notice. Beyond that the only notable character is the irritating kooky co-worker from personnel, who should be fired for rooting through Kathy’s file and going on about her dead husband. A typical piece of coincidence scripting that a busy body co-worker happens to be well versed in holding séances.

I could run through the usual list or pros and cons regarding direction and pacing, but the over riding feeling I got was how incredibly bland everything was. They’ve clearly spent enough money to get the film superficially looking good. They have a competent crew, but there isn’t any flair. I’ll never forget Darth Vader chopping off Luke’s hand. Equally I’ll never forget Rock Biter singing Born To Be Wild on his bicycle in Neverending Story 3 (much as I might want to). Whilst The Last Sign sits somewhere in a cinematic blind spot, where I can barely remember what happened the next day. It begs the question, is a truly awful film one which is such an utter waste of time? At least trash like Monster A Go-Go makes for an amusing anecdote.

I seriously wonder who green-lighted this script. It’s in the pitiful territory of a twenty year old TV movie, with wasted actors throughout. If you really love tearjerkers and soppy romances then you might find some interest. Although I’d much sooner recommend the 2002 film Dragonfly with Kevin Costner, which has a similar but more engaging story line. And come on, it's Kevin. Does The Last Sign deserve to be in the Bottom 100 films? I’ve no problem with it.

[2.3/10 | 814 votes | stats from 3rd April 2008]

So far:
Most Fun: #79 Howling II: Stirba - Werewolf Bitch (1984)
Most Painful - #87 The Neverending Story III (1994)